Im Evee and I'm candid. Random things are my thing. I like lovely posts and I am extremely expressive. I am very deep but that can be said in a more than shallow way. I love all things talented. I say what I feel and I mean what I say. The most important moral for me is honesty. I have no time for haters and although you may hate the things I write, I swear, I mean no harm to you. I may be afraid of things but I'm definitely not afraid of you.

You may stalk as well.

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Oh. It's almost Christmas already. I'm excited! BUT! I'm not done Christmas shopping yet! It shall be finished today. :) Here goes, I have a whole day to get things done. Hopefully I have enough time.

The annoying this is, when I bought gifts for my mom and aunt and stuff, Titus told me to put his name in the "from" portion. Why he would make me do it, I don't know. It's upsetting though, he's making me do that when I worked hard to get those things. :/

Oh well, for the Christmas spirit, let's do good, right?

I'm actually going to do that right now.

OSS was just a day ago and let me tell ya, it was one of the best Christmas parties ever. It was full of SO many things. I had the opportunity to give gifts and it was my own money. MWAHAHAHA! I finally saved enough to do so. :))

But yeah, It felt nice to give gifts. It's a good feeling because, well, it's better to give than to receive.

I actually read it somewhere in a human's natural highs. It's actually really nice to see the person's face when you give a gift. It's like elated because they can't believe you gave them something. :) haha!

It's actually all about the heart and once you have the right heart to give, it fills you up with complete happiness. When you don't fill your heart, you won't feel the same happiness. It's actually really true. I can already differentiate the feeling between giving from the heart and REALLY giving with all my heart and in all honesty, if you can't achieve the latter, then it won't feel any good. :/

That's partly why I do my absolute best and I give all I have so that I can achieve that happiness and most of the time, when I try, I gain this sudden respect for that person. It's a win-win situation.

Isn't Christmas supposed to be like that?

The thing is, it doesn't just have a dramatic edge. It has an essence of being back home. Back to the place where you start everything. Back to Christmas. It's a spin on a classic and I'm in love with this version. You just need to listen to it ONCE and I promise you, it'll bring you back to the Christmas spirit.

It really is a gorgeous song, isn't it?

It reminds me a lot of staying home, watching Christmas movies, drinking hot peppermint cocoa. Aaah, which reminds me, I think I have some Hot Peppermint Cocoa left! OOH! Breakfast, here I come. Well, here I sleep and wait for you tomorrow morning.

I really really want to make Pistachio Cupcakes! I love nuts. And personally, they remind me so much of Christmas. Not necessarily the really BRIGHT ones. They probably have so much sugar and we don't want that. We want nuts, not candies. Gosh, here I go again. But yeah, I really wanna make these.

One of the reasons other than it reminding me so much of Christmas is that when Sharonne made one in Master Chef (is that how you spell his name?), it looked so good. GAWSH. Like really good. Another reason is I love, love, LOVE nuts. I know so many people will beg to differ, but I think they are a very good source of protein. I am going to substitute the ingredients which I feel are a little too... much.

This is my last reason. I really want to put a smile on my family's face by doing something nice for them. The whole Christmas spirit is to do things for others because that's what Jesus did. He did great things for us. Not for Himself. I'm trying to learn that, and although I'm starting small, a tiny thing can progress into something of much for value.

Even if they are just pistachio cupcakes. :)

I love parties and I cannot wait for tomorrow! Not only is it the last party left for the whole entire school year, but it's the end of our trimester. WOW. Everything's moving so fast! Next thing we know, it's New Years. I didn't even think I'd make it this far! But I did, so I applaud that. TEEHEE.

It's really really lovely to have parties, but I love hosting parties. I love the feeling you get when you entertain people and you can accommodate them and you get to mingle with all the people around you. I have yet to throw the ultimate party, but that's not gonna happen any time soon yet. Oh well. Let's be hopeful.

I want to have a Christmas party with LOTS and LOTS of decorations. So much, that it practically feels like snow. I know right? That'd be EPIC. I'd love to have lots of food and lots of music and a whole lot of dancing. Yes, DANCING. Man, but I don't want anyone to be shy. How often can you be at a crazy, party mode unless you're in a party, right? RIGHT.

Enough about parties, you've probably been to a ton, but just giving you a heads up. :))

teehee... :>

I really want to be with people. I love company. If you can be with me on Christmas, It'd mean so much to me. It would be so great to be around people I can extreme with. I want to be around people this season because it makes me so celebratory. I don't really enjoy being so alone. It makes me feel, well, so alone.

I'd also want a cardigan and a skirt. TEEHEE. Those are the things in my closet that I'm currently starving for. I know, I know. Extreme word. But I gave my skirts away and I don't have cardigans. Preferably something in a very VERY bright color. I like bright colors. Especially yellow. It's a vibrant color. It's happy, very me. :))

I'm happy! Am I?

I also really really want Hillsong CD's. Mostly because I wanna play music. Well, obviously. I also want to play it in the car. That's usually the time when all you hear is silence and music is the loudest thing in the area.

Those are really the most basic things I want. TEEHEE.

On Christmas, we do so many things. One of the things we do is stay up until 12 and then when the clock strikes 12, we watch the fireworks and I'd comfort the dogs while they tremble in fear. Oh well. I think it's in the gene of the dog anyway. We also NEVER have rice. I don't know why.

It's always ham, cheese, grapes, cake, bread, and red wine (not me, of course. :>). Ah, tradition. I love all those interesting foods. I sometimes put the cheese with the grapes. Then my bread with ham (DUH). Then the grapes and ham. Then the cake with cheese. TEEHEE. I have a weird preference in foods. I do lots of combinations, but never a lot. Or at least starting this year.

Another thing we do, is we never use the big plates and we never eat inside the house. We do our little celebration out in the patio. It's windy there in the night and we can clearly see the fireworks. I look forward to doing all those things. WEEE!

It's sad. People don't carol because they love Christmas. Some people only. Why do I see this? Because once people go to a house that gives money, they wait a little while and then they come back. Again. And again. Until the people realize they have the same faces and decide that it's not the heart that's sincere. It's the pocket.

Actually, Frances and all of us actually DID want to go to a small village and carol to people with cool songs, guitars and blending. Songs like "Silent Night Na Naman" with all the blending. The difference would be, we would really do it from the bottom of our hearts. I'd really love that, actually.

I thought he existed. I'd defend him when people said he is just someone parents make up to make their kids happy. WOW. I was really, really gullible. I'd send letters and give cookies. And once, when I didn't see a gift, I'd think I was a bad girl. OH MOMMY. That was horrible...

But about, four years ago, my parents confessed to me that it wasn't true. It was all her. I was not necessarily devastated (I was, actually) but I was upset. But that isn't the point. The point is that kids can get swayed easily. They believe one thing and then they do the other.

I'd say that I couldn't wait for Christmas, but then I'd just want gifts. It was a horrible past.

But yeah, ever since my faith strengthened, I saw everything from a new light. I saw what CHRISTMAS is. I think all people should see what Christmas is. Don't abuse it. It's God who should be PRAISED and LIFTED.

I highly believe that and see that.

It is about JESUS.

Who is Jesus? He was born on Christmas (and although people have argued on the exact date of his birth, it stands the same.). His legacy and amazingness must be celebrated.Whether or not you believe it, It's pretty much TRUE. It in life's truest form, Jesus came to save us.

Let's all agree that we know why Jesus even came here. He loved us. He wanted to save us. HE LOVES us. He WANTS to save us. And everybody in the world. And all the people in the world. Think about it, he loves EVERYONE. That's not humanly possible. I know it should be, but it's hard. For God, he loves you regardless of anything. Although you disappoint him too, (I do too...) he doesn't give up on you.

Love is the reason he came. Love is the reason we celebrate. Love is the reason we're saved. It's the reason he saves.

Hence what I believe we're celebrating.

First, my brother. I wanted to get him a study and application Bible actually. One that specializes in the minds of young teen boys. But then I saw the price and I went LSKDJFLK. WOW. I cannot afford it right now. But I WILL give him one. Just you wait! But maybe for something like his birthday. What I will give him, is still undecided.

Second, my mom. I'd get her a power ring. She loves them. She buys me them. It's my turn to buy her one. I wanted to get her something white. White power rings are actually very attractive to look at, in my opinion. Plus, I remember her telling me when I was 8 that her favorite color was white.

Third, my dad. I'd get him a power balance bracelet. But then, when I realized how expensive it was, I went. LSKDJFLKJ. AS WELL. Gosh, the world doesn't sell affordable things anymore. I should really go to a bazaar and buy stuff. MAN.

So, starting with the first day. Did I ever tell you my mom used to do this thing called "The Twelve Days of Christmas." It's a time in December when we me and my brother put out our stockings on the back of our doors and every morning until Christmas day, my mom would put something in it. The last day would then lead to the culmination of Christmas day.

That was like our tradition. It was so embarrassing though when my mom and I found out that the twelve days of Christmas is supposed to come after Christmas. Not only was it hilarious that we were wrong, but the fact that we didn't change tradition was even funnier.

I have a lot on my plate and since there's a lot on my mind,I just really wanna replace all those things with things like the Renaissance, Syllogisms, the Divine Origin of Japan, Noli Me Tangere, University Review Tests and Genetics.

Anyway, I have resolved to make Pistachio cupcakes for Christmas. I promise to take pictures as soon as I've finished it.

Before I leave this post, I'm going to post a verse from Psalms that comforted me.

I ate so much FRUITS. Gah, I feel bloated. So much water being retained by my already bloated body. I hate this. :/ I didn't eat that much though. Just enough to retain my water, but still. You can't help but feel all... big.

Anyway, enough about my sad, sad self-esteem and we shall go to cooking. WOOHOO! I really wanna make something good for Christmas. I'm on the edge about making a Peppermint Chocolate Square, Pistachio Cupcakes, Red Velvet low-fat Cupcakes, and a Banana Nut Cupcake with Cream Cheese Frosting. Hmm.. LOVELY. I really want to do something good for Christmas.

I like big books and I cannot lie. :) I really want to read a book! I'm currently reading Sense and Sensibility and I left the book at home. Oh joy. The one day I get all my requirements done in time for the end of homeroom. All these things just like to haunt me. Just like that Wiggle staring me right in the eye with it's chocolate coated marshmallow'ness. GAH.

I'm half-way done with my mission statement and I must say, I think I need an applause for getting so much done on this day where everything didn't start off right. I think it continued to go on right after I finished my QT. I didn't get to do it first thing in the morning and it really frustrated me this morning. Then I did it when I got to school which put me in a better mood.

So yeah, that was pretty much the 7th day.

Now, I only have to do my reflection paper for the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, my mission statement and my Humanities Homework. Gosh, life is hard (like I said earlier).

Aside from all these things, I'm still practically a GIRL which doesn't make things any easier for me. If it does anything, it just shows that us girls work hard to get what we want, and usually, we get what we want. Sorry, I just noticed. You know the saying. If you want something done, do it yourself. That's what we girls practically live by. Or at least the most stressed ones.

I have a lot on my plate and I pray everyday that God doesn't forget about me. I know he won't of course, but sometimes, I can't help but feel overlooked. Like I'm a grain of sand that was just washed by the waves before some unthinking captain of a boat lands his anchor right on my drifting, sand-like head. Okay, I need to get the mentality of the beach out of my head.

But still, no matter how much I try, I just get a feeling of absolute hopelessness. I don't expect you to understand. Not only is it the hormones in me acting up, but it's also the fact that I have a lot of problems. Gah. Problems the world will never understand. Not those crazy "I just ate my cat" kind of problems though. I'm perfectly fine eating normal food and drinking normal water. I'm not insane or anything. I can find the bathroom, yes. In case you were wondering.

I just get really... L.O.S.T.

At least I KNOW that there's always going to be someone I can turn to.

I just pray I don't get humiliated. I just really wanna play soccer right now.

Since it's the fifth day and the Christmas party just finished, everybody's still on quite a high. Or maybe just me. At least I think I'm on a high. School work seems to be piling up more than usual and this Math seatwork may just be the death of me. I never knew how to factor m to the power of 9 minus n to the power of 9.

GAH!

And plus, homeroom has to be at 2:40. AND yesterday we went to Dad's and I didn't get to get anything done except for the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. But other than that, I have a lot of things to do. The only thing I am excited about is my mission statement but I really don't know where I'm going to find things that are very "me."

Oh, what's a sophomore girl to do?

The CHRISTMAS PARTEEEEEH!

It was so awesome. I mean, last year was fun, but this year, it was waaaay more awesome. Not only was it that we bonded more, but I also got to open up more to people since we were SECOND YEAR already.

Anyway, I have a lot to say, but I'm going to save it for later so I can explode in a huge POST OF EXPLOSION.

I know, I know. What is it with me and negativity lately? I don't know.

Even though I spoke about happiness yesterday, something Florence told me made me think. Am I really happy? Am I really content? Do I REALLY live for God if I'm never happy with myself? In all honesty, I don't know why I care so much. I think I care because I want to know that I can actually have control over something in my life regardless of all the stresses and shortcomings.

I get really annoyed when people try to put down your relationship with God too. It's so annoying when these are people you love. Sometimes I really just wanna say "I love you, but I love God more, so I'm going to obey Him."

It may not be the most famous thing in the world, but I honestly think I'm working hard to show who He is in me.

Sometimes, my brother treats me like I'm the same person and it annoys me when I try my best to correct him and he doesn't listen to me and I get really frustrated and mad. Then he goes all contradicting and says "So this is what you learn in church, huh?" It gets me so incredibly mad, I don't bother anymore which is really horrible.

I want to make DISCIPLES. Not discourage people. I don't wanna see people go to hell. Let's be honest, we all want to go into the pearly gates of Heaven. But when you come across someone who somehow wants to bring you down, GO AWAY.

You know why?

Because I LOVE YOU, BUT I LOVE GOD MORE, SO I'M GOING TO OBEY HIM.

But then I think of Christmas, I immediately think of happiness. Why? Well, why shouldn't we be happy? Jesus came here to SAVE US, didn't He? Isn't that enough to make you so happy, you can't contain yourself?

Yes. Then again, that's just me.

But then it dawned on me, I need to forget things to be happy. I need to forget there's Global Warming and I have to forget there is pain and I cannot remember the presence of all things gruesome. I have to forget what I am, what I feel and how I react because if I keep those things, how am I supposed to be happy? Now that's really saying something.

I know that sounds pretty depressing for a holiday log-in. But really, think about it.

What we have to know what to do is push things aside and go, "You know what, I'm gonna forget the bad things and focus on being happy." So you know what, I'm going to post happy things.